Gemma Anne Worthington

If you follow along on Instagram you probably saw I didn't have the best D&C experience, but I guess it was going to be a horrible day no matter what, it just could have been a little less hard if I had a compassionate medical team.

We waited a whopping three hours before going back for my less than 15 minute surgery. In a room, with no TV, we just sat for three hours alone knowing what was to come, thinking about what had happened, we just sat there waiting. We had a nurse come in for two or so minutes to have me sign some forms and then the anesthesiologist came in to give me an IV which also took less than 5 minutes.

We talked, we cried, we waited. Finally, the Doctor came in and said we would be going back in a few minutes and asked if we had any questions. I asked if Matt could come back for the ultrasound to confirm no heartbeat, she said no. I asked if I could at least get a picture to have and to show him, she said no. I asked if I could be awake for the ultrasound so I could see the baby one last time, she said okay. 

Finally, after 30 more minutes of waiting, it was time to go back.  I gave Matt a kiss and then had to roll my IV pole back to the operating room with the anesthesiologist following behind me.  When I got to the cold, bright operating room I was told to sit down on this tiny seat with two stirrups.  Right next to the seat, there was a metal dish that I just knew would be used for putting my baby on. Right away, I started to feeling tears coming on along with the knot in my throat getting bigger. I sat down and my legs started violently shaking, my heart was racing. I saw in the corner of my eye the anesthesiologist putting a shot in my IV. I figured it was just anti nausea medicine because I had mentioned I usually get sick after anesthesia - and after all the doctor wasn't even in the room yet. A few seconds later, the room was spinning and I muttered to everyone that I was supposed to be awake for the ultrasound and the anesthesiologist said he didn't know that (Even though both Matt and I distinctly remember talking with him about this before the procedure). I saw the doctor and heard her say "let's hurry and get the scan done." I saw my baby for only half a second. It's hard to even remember, but the sac looked so large and baby looked like a peanut. I was so upset, the sac was measuring six weeks at my last scan and the baby was measuring eight so how was the baby so small and the sac so big now? Before I fell asleep the last thing I heard was her say "no heartbeat."

When I woke up Matt was there he said I had tears running down my face for the past ten minutes while waking up. He said I kept saying "it got bigger, it got bigger" it didn't matter though our baby was gone.

I wanted to leave, like right then, but I had to wait to see the doctor. Once she showed up all she said was "it went fine." I didn't say anything then she said "hopefully next time will have a better outcome."

That night was hard, I felt so empty. I reflected on the days leading up to the D&C. Saturday, when my motherly instinct was telling me that something wasn't right. Monday, my suspicions were confirmed. Wednesday, my baby's body was suctioned and scraped out of me. I was hurting, mentally and physically this was all so much to processes.

Fast forward to today.

Our fetal tissue we had genetically tested came back normal. She was chromosomal normal.

That's right, SHE our second little girl, our daughter.  A little sister for Rose, who has wanted a sister for as long as I can remember. Always stuffing her outgrown clothes in her nightstand drawer for the sister she hopes to one day have. Ugh. This makes it more real, this makes it sting a little harder. A girl.

Today, Matt & I are going to blame our miscarriage on the subchorionic hematoma (SCH), a small bleed that our doctor said shouldn't affect the pregnancy, but we feel it did. It was growing every ultrasound right next to our girl. Maybe it affected the growth of the gestational sac or maybe it didn't. Today, we are going to say it did. We need something to blame this on because our baby girl was perfect. "Strong, beautiful heartbeat" he said and it was, she was... strong and beautiful.

We had her name picked out incase Brooks was a girl, Gemma. We went back and forth to keep this name for our next baby if it happens to be another girl, but we decided that wouldn't be fair. She deserves this name, she was perfect, Gemma Anne Worthington, a true gem.

We love you so much sweet girl and know you're looking down on us. I can't wait to meet you one day. I wonder if you would have had brown hair like your big sister, Rose or blonde hair like your big brother, Trent. Maybe you would have had green eyes like your biggest brother, Landon or brown like Oliver and Brooks. One thing I do know for sure is that you're strong just like all your siblings and you fought until you literally couldn't fight any longer. I wish so badly I could have done something, anything to help the dang sac grow. You did nothing wrong, you were perfect.

What now?

Well, we wait. I went in on Wednesday one week after the D&C and my HCG level was 254. I was hoping it would be negative which is anything under 5, but I was informed it could take weeks for it get there. It's crazy to me that if I were take a pregnancy test it would be blazing positive right now, but there is no baby.  She's gone, while my pregnancy still lingers running through my veins, my baby girl is gone.

You Were There and Then You Weren’t

On September 16th 2019 I saw something I have been blessed to see many times before, five to be exact. Two pink lines! Confirmed later by a digital test glaring the word “Pregnant” across the screen. 

Since I’m high risk for ectopic pregnancy because of a blocked fallopian tube I was quickly seen to take my HCG level to confirm doubling every 2-3 days! The first blood test came back 374, two days later 685 and one last test came back 1324! I couldn’t believe it! Brooks and this sweet baby would be only 16 months apart. We love, love, love having our babies close in age. We felt so thankful! 

The symptoms rolled in and I welcomed them with open arms. Vivid dreams, dry skin, weird taste in mouth, dizzy spells, headaches, and waves of nausea. 

October 3rd 2019 5W5D Our first ultrasound to truly rule out ectopic. We have a gestational sac and a yolk sac as well as the start of a fetal pole all in my uterus as they should be. 

Due May 30th 2020 the same due date as Oliver!

October 7th 2019 6W2D We have a strong heartbeat! 117BPM the doctor said anything over 100 at this point is great. Feeling so lucky to be doing this a SIXTH time! 

October 15th 7W3D 153BPM first thing the doctor said was “beautiful, strong heartbeat!” I smiled, it truly was, strong and beautiful. There was a concern though baby’s gestational sac was measuring a week behind! The doctor said he has seen this before and it has been okay, but we like to see all three measuring around the same (within days) the baby, the yolk sac and the gestational sac. There was nothing we could do and we would just have to see. 

October 19th 2019 I had rented a doppler as I have for all my past pregnancies just for some reassurance between appointments. I wasn’t going to use it just yet, but something in me had me just try.I found it right away! At just 8 weeks that is very early. It was registering at 156BPM and I grabbed my phone to record it. It was strong and beautiful just as it was the week before. Hearing the heartbeat gave me the push to share our exciting news with our kids! They were thrilled! Jumping up and down, hugged and kissed my tiny bloat belly asking the name and the gender right away! 

Red flag- After dinner that night I wanted to hear it one more time before bed and I couldn’t find the heartbeat. I tried not to panic and felt much better after reading so many women online say how it’s hard to find the heartbeat before 12 weeks and 8 weeks is nearly impossible. I decided to just feel lucky I even found it earlier that day and go to bed, I tossed and turned all night thinking something was wrong, I checked again first thing the next morning, nothing. Knowing I had a scan the next morning was the only thing that kept me from going totally crazy. I hoped for the best. 

October 21st 8W2D You were there and then you weren’t. 

At 8 weeks baby was measuring perfectly 8 weeks on the dot. Right away when baby popped up on the screen I knew they were gone. He didn’t have to say it, I saw. That beautiful and strong heartbeat we had just heard the day before last was gone. Baby was there floating with no room in their sac which now measured two weeks behind! The baby did everything they could to be here with us. They were perfect. They did nothing wrong, it was all because of that dang sac. I knew it, I knew something was wrong when I couldn’t find the heartbeat anymore. I believe our baby was holding on for me to hear their heartbeat just one time on the doppler and record it to keep forever. Then you had to go, you had to leave. 

As I’m sitting here writing about our baby we will never meet I feel this lump in my throat choking me. I want them here so badly. They were meant to be here. They did nothing wrong. They were growing perfectly just as they should! 

You were there and then you weren’t. 

Something like this happening is rare. I have searched the internet and usually it’s the baby that stops growing and the sac that continues. Or that there was never even a heartbeat and all growth stopped. 

We had to update the kids. Landon and Oliver the oldest took it the hardest especially Oliver. He cried full tears rolling down his little sweet cheeks. He said how he wishes he could have helped the sac grow and held me as we both cried. 

October 23rd 2019 Saying goodbye

Tomorrow is my D&C. Tomorrow we say goodbye until we meet again. 

These two days before the surgery have been hard to say the least. Knowing the baby is in there no longer alive is hard. I have hardly slept and I don’t want to eat. I want this baby out, but I want them to stay forever knowing this is the closest I’ll ever get to holding my sweet baby that left too soon. 

I can’t wait to meet you one day, baby. I carried you in my tummy for only a short time, but you will always be in my heart. Thank you for giving me the gift of the sound of your beautiful heartbeat. I play it often and will cherish it forever.

Tomorrow we say goodbye, for now.

Brooks' Birth Story

Well, this is very overdue.

It all started when I wasn't ready to share his story emotionally, then weeks kept passing by and I was so exhausted that I literally couldn't find the energy to write it up. And now here we are over three months since we welcomed our sweet Brooks Kelly Worthington into our family.

Late afternoon on February 22nd, I was 35 weeks and 1 day pregnant (the same exact gestation when I gave birth to Rose) I had been having my usual Braxton Hicks contractions so I did what I usually did which was drank water, took a shower and tried to lay down. They didn't go away and I was scared. I was scared because I didn't want to go to the hospital. I was scared because I knew that I was going to have to give birth to him because of my scar and I didn't want to. I wanted him to stay inside and develop longer. Having had four previous c-sections, I was not suppose to labor for long to avoid my scar from rupturing.

Obviously, I knew I had to call and go in.

Once we got to the hospital they started me on an IV and a monitor to see my contractions that were coming every few minutes as they had been. My doctor came in and said we were going to have him tonight. It wasn't safe for me to have these contractions with my c-section scar. I was sad. Usually, when you hear you get to meet your baby in an hour after months and months of carrying them you're excited, but I wasn't.

I had gotten steroid shots to help Brooks's lung development a few weeks before, but Rose was the same gestational age when she was born and she had to go to the NICU.  I pretty much told every doctor or nurse that would listen that I didn't want Brooks to go to the NICU. They all said the same thing which is he might not at 35 weeks, it's a 50/50 chance. I just knew though deep down, he wasn't ready to come home with us.

When I was getting wheeled back for my fifth section, I honestly just wanted to go home. My eyes were filling up with tears as I hugged my belly full of my baby boy one last time. I felt like I failed him. From my first positive pregnancy test, to that moment, I hoped and wished that this baby wouldn't have to go to the NICU. That my body would carry them until they were truly ready to be here. I really felt like I had failed him.

The c-section took a long time, longer than I recall the other ones taking (more on that in a different post.) Finally, after what felt like an hour of my insides being moved around I heard the best sound in this whole world, his cry. Brooks was rushed to the table to be examined. I asked Matt to go over and be with him. They kept Brooks over there for what felt like another whole hour. I just wanted to see him! I kept asking "is he okay? Is he breathing okay?" Matt said they were just cleaning him off. I knew Matt was just trying to keep me from worrying, but the truth was Brooks was purple and they were giving him oxygen.

Once Brooks was able to get his breathing under control a nurse carried him over to me. I don't know if Matt asked for Brooks to be put on my chest or if I did, but the nurse was really rude about it. No compassion whatsoever. She pushed Brooks down so hard on my chest, it was the most uncomfortable and awkward way to be seeing and in a sense holding my son for the first time. I didn't even want it to go on for another second. I asked her to just give him to Matt.

Matt, the nurse and Brooks left for me to get stitched up. Does anyone know why they always do this? Why can't baby and dad stay with the mother? Anyway, Once it was all done I was wheeled recovery. Where I was welcomed by a cold and very empty room. No husband, and obviously no baby Brooks. My heart sank, my eyes started to sting and the tears started rolling uncontrollably down my cheeks. I knew it. I knew, he wasn't ready. I knew, he wouldn't be there, but it didn't stop this scene from hurting as much as it did. Just an empty room and a fresh incision. No one to hug me, no one who understood, no one to ask why.

The new nurse came in and said so casually that "dad and baby made a trip to the NICU." Thankfully, Matt was able to give a nurse my phone to give to me once I got to the room.

Matt said that the nurse was concerned with Brooks's fast breathing and his oxygen level. He asked her, but more like begged her to please just wait until I got back from my c-section before going.  Brooks was stable with the nasal cannula that they had in recovery. He would have been more than fine waiting ten minutes for me to give him a kiss before he left, but she said no. She actually told Matt that he could stay and wait for me and she could just take Brooks without him! How she could put Matt in that situation was very wrong. Choosing to be there for me when I got out of surgery or go with our newborn son. I mean, this nurse had to have been a mother herself and how she couldn't have the compassion to just wait for me before taking my son is beyond me.

The hospital stay was depressing, being wheeled down to the NICU, seeing the smiling visitors with gift bags and balloons for the new mommies and their babies, waking up to the cold, hard plastic of a pump. The hospital stay was hard.

Seeing Brooks in the isolette was hard. Seeing him on oxygen was hard, seeing his little sweet wrist all bandaged with a bloody IV was hard, and all the cords that make it near impossible to hold him was hard.

I gave birth at 11:17pm on Friday. We went first thing Saturday morning to visit Brooks in the NICU and the doctor was very positive and said he thought Brooks would be discharged with me! Finally some good news! We stayed the day Saturday, pumping and wheeling down to visit B. Every visit after the morning one went downhill. Brooks's oxygen wasn't staying up so they had to put him on a CPAP which being the experienced NICU mom that I am, I knew that meant he was in fact NOT going home with me. I spent most of the late afternoon and night crying, feeling empty physically and emotionally. Matt was so helpful and loving. He held me while I cried and said how unfair this all was. He cleaned my pump supplies every 3 hours and walked my collastrum down when I was too sad to visit. Once it was apparent that Brooks wasn't going to be discharged with me I just wanted to leave.  My doctor came by late Saturday and I told him I wanted to leave. At this point it hadn't even been 24 hours. He told me to stay the night and he would discharge me first thing tomorrow morning.

The drive home with our empty carseat was sad. I got home and hugged my beautiful children and cried in their arms and told them "mommy was sad because Brooks has to stay at the hospital a few days to grow bigger." Rose, who may I remind everyone is only three years old said "it will be okay though." Which only made me cry harder.

The next few days were a blur of hospital visits (40 minutes away), pumping, calling to check on Brooks, and crying. One day, I forgot to call before we left the house to give the nurse a heads up we were coming so she fed him, took his temperature and changed him before we got there. Brooks was snuggled up and sound asleep it felt wrong to disturb him and take him out with all those cords right after he got settled so we just looked at him and I cried. I just wanted to hold my boy without the cords holding him back or his little oxygen mask slipping down his face. I don't mean to sound so negative towards the NICU over at the hospital I delivered, but this has always been my experience with them. I have had four out of five of my babies go to this NICU and the nurses and doctors are amazing experience wise they might be the best, but so disconnected to the mothers feelings.

There is a hospital only a few minutes from our house, but my high risk practice doesn't have rights to deliver there. Matt and I were able to get Brooks transferred to the NICU over here six days after he was born. The NICU by our house was the COMPLETE opposite of the other one. Right after he was transferred we went to see him. I asked to hold him and the nurse smiled at me and almost laughed as she said "he is your son you don't have to ask! Pick him up!" I wanted to cry tears of joy. Even though Brooks wasn't home he was right down the street with the sweetest nurses who were really sympathetic to my feelings during this hard time. They had these amazing cameras on the babies cribs so you could watch yours (during certain times) from home!

The day before Brooks was discharged we were offered to stay the night with him in a hospital room alone. No monitors, no cords, and no nurses. It was just us and it was magical! We ordered food to the hospital and watched a movie on the tiny TV as I cuddled, smelled, nursed and loved so hard on our baby boy. I had been dreaming of that time with him for months and it was nothing short of just that, a dream! Brooks was discharged after only three days in the NICU by our house. I guarantee Brooks would have still been at the other NICU for a least another week or even two (confirmed by our last nurse there.) They keep the babies there for extra monitoring, which is great for the parents who have micro preemies who probably need it, but when your baby is almost term and is breathing well after a few days they should be discharged. It is so, so hard to visit your baby in the NICU when they're fine and just hanging out. You want them to be home with you where they belong. Brooks, just like Rose, is and was a horrible bottle eater. He loves to nurse and he is good at it. It was what kept him at the NICU over here for an extra day because he wouldn't eat the bottles. Still three months in he won't take a bottle well and it's hard on me so we are working on slowly getting him used to pacifiers and bottles just for my peace of mind if I need a break to go out for more than two hours during the day.

Bringing Brooks home, I couldn't wait to introduce him to his siblings. They all had a chance to hold him and we were all so happy to finally be together as a family of seven!

I hope everyone who reads this can understand why it was so hard for me to share his story. I was in a very hard place right after his birth and I couldn't talk about it for weeks after his delivery without crying. I also hope I didn't offend anyone with my feeling towards the NICU. I am so thankful for the nurses and doctors to have been there to help my babies when they needed it. I feel so blessed to have five healthy children to call my own!

Week 35 baby #5

35 weeks?! With the way things were looking two or three weeks ago I am very surprised and excited to have made it this far! Keep on growing baby boy!

Monday was my 35 week appointment. According to their scale I weigh 110.2 and my blood pressure was 108/70. We had a quick ultrasound to check baby B's fluid level which is in the normal range. I had my cervix checked and I am still the same 1 cm 70-75% effaced.

The only thing that was a little concerning to my doctor was my lack of weight gain. I haven't gained weight in weeks and I actually lost a pound this past week. This is shocking to me because I have been eating so much to the point of feeling very uncomfortable and sick. He wants to check baby B's weight next Monday to see if he dropped from his 46% weight to the 20-30%. If he has, then they will deliver him within the next week or two.

Rose came TOMORROW (35 weeks 1 day), Trent came at 36 weeks 3 days and Oliver came at 37 weeks. Trent was our only baby that didn't need to go to the NICU. I am hoping that even if B comes in the next few days the fact that he has had steroid shots to develop his lungs will help him not have to go. 

35 weeks with Trent

35 weeks with Rose

This week baby is the size of a canary melon weighing about 5.5lbs and around 19-22 inches length.

I had my last Makena shot yesterday! I am so thankful to be done with them.

Sleep: Not the best week for sleep. I have been waking up multiple times a night and having trouble falling back asleep.

Craving: Soft serve ice cream, cheeseburgers, milk, fries, chicken lo mein, ice and pizza.

Symptoms: Mild headaches, rib pain, out of breath, feeling uncomfortably full. Baby B has been practicing his breathing multiple times a day as well as having hiccups. He is a busy boy in there working hard on his skills.

Looking forward to: March, I just really want to make it to March before delivering. That is my goal!

What I am loving: Washing little baby boy clothes!

Days Until:

36 week appointment: 4 days

C-section: 28 days (1 month exactly from today!)

Total pounds gained: 14

Week 34 baby #5

On Friday morning, I woke up and my belly was a totally different shape & I also was feeling a lot of low pressure. I had been having contractions the night before, but they stopped after falling asleep. I decided to call my doctor in the afternoon after taking a comparison picture between my 33 week (first thing in the morning picture) and my 33 week 1 day (after eating and in the afternoon picture.) You can see how much smaller my belly was and my prediction was correct. He had dropped!

From what I have read online baby can drop and move up as many times has he likes until delivery.

At the office they monitored me and saw I was contracting every 2-3 minutes even though at that point I wasn't really feeling them. The doctor checked me and said I am 1 cm and 75% effaced. I was then sent to the hospital. Once Matt and I got there the contractions started to intensify and I started to really feel them. They gave me an IV in my wrist which is the worst in my opinion! Finally, after contracting for hours the doctors were able to space them out and then eventually they stopped completely. I got my first steroid shot to speed up the development of baby boy's lungs, but wouldn't be getting the second one for 24 hours. It was pretty obvious at this point that I would be staying the night there, but I really didn't want to accept it and was trying to compromise with my doctor so I could go home. Obviously, that didn't work!

Matt went home to get the kids ready for bed. Thankfully, my parents were able to take care of them during our stay. I was able to FaceTime them to say goodnight! Rose immediately started crying which of course made me start crying. It is so hard as a stay at home mom to be away from my kids. I am literally with them 24/7 unless they're at school. The constant IV drip was making me have to wake up every 1.5-2 hours to use the bathroom. I probably got a total of 4 hours of sleep.

I saw one of my other doctors the next morning and he told me I would be monitored again after my second steroid shot for an hour and if it looked good I could go home back on strict bedrest. If I have contractions then I will be staying at the hospital the remainder of my pregnancy. That was really hard to hear. During the monitoring I stayed totally still in fear that any slight movement could be mistaken as a contraction.

Luckily, we passed the monitoring and were able to leave!

Monday was my 34 week appointment. According to their scale I weigh 111.3lbs which is the same as the past two weeks. Though my doctor didn't say he is concerned I am going to try to up my calories. The end of pregnancy can be hard. You feel full very quickly, your ribs hurt, you get heartburn, and being on bedrest is making my back and hips ache much more than Rose's pregnancy where I was able to go on walks every morning. My blood pressure was 117/77 and most importantly Baby B looks great! I go every Monday morning until delivery!

34 weeks with Trent

34 weeks with Rose

This week baby is the size of a pineapple weighing about 4.9lbs and around 19-22 inches in length.

Just ONE more Makena shot! 

Sleep: The usual waking up a few times to use the restroom and vivid dreams.

Craving: Milk, cheeseburgers (specifically Five Guys), milkshake (Oreo), soft serve ice cream.

Symptoms: Braxton hicks, rib pain, out of breath, reflux.

Looking forward to: Celebrating Valentine's Day at home today! 

What I am loving: Still being pregnant. We were so close to delivering him last weekend and that is really the last thing I want right now. It would be very hard to drive multiple times a day to the NICU 45 minutes away. Not to mention seeing him with all the cords and oxygen would break my heart.

Days Until:

35 week appointment: 4 days 

C-section: 35 days 

Total pounds gained: 15lbs

Week 33 baby #5

I had my 33 week appointment on Monday! According to their scale I didn't gain any weight I was 111.2lbs so down a little from 111.8lbs the week before. My doctor said it is normal to not gain some weeks and gain two pounds the following week. Either way baby B is growing very well he was estimated to weigh 4lbs 8oz! My cervix measured 2.4 this was the last week they will be measuring it via ultrasound. They start to check for dilation at 36 weeks! My blood pressure was 99/62 so a little lower than usual which is much better than it being too high!

At their 33 week appointments Rose was estimated to weigh 4lbs 1oz, Trent 4lbs 13oz and Oliver was the same as baby B 4lbs 8oz.

Rose weighed 4lbs 15oz at birth so the fact that baby B is only a few ounces shy of that blows my mind! It doesn't feel that there could possibly be a 4 and a half or by now 5 pound baby in my belly.

February 7th - February 13th

33 weeks with Trent

33 weeks with Rose

At 33 weeks baby measures the size of a honeydew melon weighing around 4.5lbs and about 19 inches long!

Weight: From here forward I am just going to record what I weigh at the doctors. This way I don't have to weigh myself a second time at home.

Sleep: Some nights I wake up multiple times and have trouble falling back asleep.

Craving: Milk, cookies, milkshakes, and ice.

Symptoms: Rib pain mostly my right side where he kicks, out of breath and tired.

Looking forward to: These next few weeks before baby comes.

What I am loving: That I feel so much more confident that we may actually make it to 39 weeks.

Just two more Makena shots!

Days Until: 

34 weeks appointment: 4 days

C-section: 42 days

Total Pounds Gained: 15lbs

Maternity Pictures

I would like to say a big thank you to Roe & Co. for capturing this special time for our family!

We can't wait to meet you baby boy! 

Week 32 baby #5

I had my 32 week appointment on Monday and it went pretty well. I weighed 111.8 and my blood pressure was 107/66. My cervix measured 2.2 so down some from last week, but the doctor wasn't concerned. I go back next Monday, it should be a longer appointment where they get an estimate weight on baby B and monitor me for contractions for about 20 minutes.

32 weeks with Rose

32 weeks with Trent

At 32 weeks baby is the size of a head of lettuce weighing around 3.9lbs and about 19 inches long.

Weight:110.8

Sleep: Waking up at least once a night to use the bathroom then having heartburn and occasionally hot flashes.

Craving: Soft serve ice cream, cookies, milk, five guys.

Symptoms: Out of breath when I am talking a lot or walking up the stairs, ribs hurt, veins all over my belly, braxton hicks have really slowed down this week I still get them randomly, but nothing too crazy!

Looking forward to: February! I can't believe it's tomorrow, but at the same time January had some really slow days.

What I am loving: Still loving the rolls, kicks, hiccups though they can get painful.

Days until:

33 week appt: 4 days

C-section: 49 days

Total pounds gained: 14lbs

Week 31 baby #5

We had a scare last Friday and ended up having to go to the hospital to be monitored for a few hours for contractions. After a few inconsistent contractions and a closed/soft cervix I was able to be discharged. Though it was nice to see the new labor and delivery part of the hospital it really made me realize just how much I don't want to have our baby B yet. I don't want to leave the hospital without him. I don't want to see him all wired up in the NICU because he came too early. I've been there and I have done that three times before. It is really, really hard.

I had my 31 week appointment on Monday & it couldn't have gone better! My blood pressure was great 105/77 and my weight was 110.3lbs. My cervix went from measuring a 1.9 last Monday to a 2.9! Baby B has good amount of fluid and remains very low and head down. I am still on bedrest because obviously it is helping, but it's more like moderate bedrest now. We aren't out of the woods yet with having him early, but things are looking so much better this week! We are all set for a c- section on March 21st! I have never made it to my c-section date before it would be so special to make it all the way just once.

31 weeks with Trent

31 weeks with Rose

At 31 weeks baby is the size of a coconut weighing about 3.2lbs and measuring around 18inches.

I am still taking my Makena shot every week! They're really painful the medication is thick and takes a while to inject and it burns. Just 4 more to go!

Weight: 109.8

Sleep: It is getting hard to switch sides and waking up two to three times a night to use the bathroom isn't great either, but I fall asleep to kicks and wake up to hiccups so its all worth it.

Craving: Five guys, chick fila biscuits and their cookies, soft serve ice cream, frozen yogurt and ice chips. I also really want a pretzel bagel right now!

Symptoms: Hips and backaches, pressure, tired, heartburn usually just at night.

Looking forward to: Trent's 5th birthday TOMORROW! I can't wait to spoil our sweet T.

What I am loving: I love being pregnant. I love my kids rubbing my belly and talking to their baby brother. I love my husbands face when the baby kids so hard his foot sticks out of my stomach a few inches.

Days until:

32 Week Appt: 4

Csection: 56

Total Pounds Gained: 13

Week 30 baby #5

I had my 30 week appointment on Monday. Same as last week baby B is looking great! He is estimated to weigh 3lbs and 3 oz. My cervix on the other hand has gotten even shorter measuring 1.9 down from 2.5 last week. It was not dilated, but is short and soft. I was put on bedrest by my doctor and to come back next Monday to measure it again. With having three out of four of our kids go to the NICU I really want to avoid him coming too early.

Januray 17th-23rd

30 weeks with Trent

30 weeks with Rose

At 30 weeks baby is the size of a butternut squash weighing about 3.1lbs and measuring 17 inches.

Weight: 108.8lbs

Sleep: Waking up a few times a night to use the bathroom or to get comfortable.

Craving: Cookies, cheeseburgers and soft serve ice cream.

Symptoms: Heartburn, low pressure, braxton hicks and back pain

Looking forward to: My doctors appointment on Monday to see how things are going, but at the same time I am scared to hear.

What I am loving: My husband, he is simply the best! Not only does he work a full time job (40+ minutes away), but he has taken over all of my mommy jobs. Packing lunches, picking out clothes, showering the kids, dinner, bedtime, dropping them all off at school, packing my hospital bag just in case, all of it! I am so thankful for him.


Days Until:

31 Week Appt: 4

C-Section: 63

Total Pounds Gained: 12

Week 29 baby #5

We had our 29 week appointment on Monday. I thought it would be a quick appointment, but it wasn't. Basically my cervix got even shorter and added with my many braxton hicks contractions it concerned my doctor. She asked for me to be put on a monitor to track any contractions. I had a few within the 20-30 minutes I was on it. My doctor was on the border of sending me to the hospital for an IV and to be monitored more, but luckily ultimately decided to send me home and to call if anything happens. I go back in one week to have my cervix checked again. The fantastic news is our boy is doing so well! He has plenty of fluid, great heart rate, moving and kicking around though he is very low. The ultrasound tech caught him practicing his breathing which I have been able to witness outside my belly as well at home a few times. My weight was good 107 which is up two pounds since my last appointment two weeks ago. Blood pressure was also good 122/70. If you don't follow me on Instagram I mentioned over there that I got the call on Friday I passed my glucose test! It was such a relief! Anything under 135 is passing and I received a 120.

January 10th-16th

29 weeks with Trent

29 weeks with Rose

At 29 weeks baby B is the size of a small cabbage weighing around 2.9lbs and measuring 17 inches long.

Weight gain: 106.8lbs 

Sleep: It is getting hard to switch sides and get out of bed, but I sleep well when I am asleep.

Craving: I still crave bad food like ice cream, fries, cookies, bread and cheese. Literally, everything that I ate with Rose looks gross to me. The texture of avocado grosses me out as well as oatmeal. I want to eat well, but I am really struggling this pregnancy to make better choices.

Symptoms: Rib pain, Braxton hicks, lower back pain and exhaustion

Looking forward to: Our appointment on Monday to see how things are going.

What I am loving: I love the big crazy kicks and stretches! Every single morning baby B has the hiccups after I have breakfast and it's my favorite! I am just trying to enjoy every minute of this pregnancy because who knows when it will end.


Days Until:

30 week appointment: 4

C-section: 70


Total pounds gained: 10

Week 28 baby #5

Wow, I don't exactly know where the time has gone, but I am officially in the third trimester! We had a bit of a scare at the end of last week where I was having more braxton hicks contractions than usual so I called my doctor and she asked me to come in. Thankfully, everything was okay and I just need to try to take it easy for a few days!

January 3rd-9th

28 weeks with Trent

28 weeks with Rose

At 28 weeks baby B is the size of a large eggplant weighing about 2 1/4lbs and measuring 14.8 inches long.

Weight gain: 107.2

Sleep: Waking up at least once a night to go to the bathroom. It is getting a little harder to get out of the bed!

Craving: Nothing really

Symptoms: Heartburn, ribs hurt mostly at the end of the day, and exhaustion.

Looking forward to: Our 29 week appointment on Monday. I had to retake the one hour glucose test on Wednesday morning and I hope to hear that I passed.

What I am loving: The big kicks, rolls and hiccups!

Days Until:

29 week appointment: 4

C-section: 77

Total pounds gained: 11